beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
