That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
