can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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