Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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