Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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