**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
