whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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