I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
