The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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