Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
