see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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