I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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