so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
