Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
