we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
