It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize