how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
