Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
