Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
