I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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