Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
