You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
