Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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