I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we should paint friendship bongs
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
