I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
