just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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