The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish i was in the wii world.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize