sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize