my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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