Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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