You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
