oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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