My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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