In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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