Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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