I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
