I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
