Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize