So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
