So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
