Define "chronic" masturbator.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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