whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
