all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
