I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
