Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I love you. Go after that dick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
