I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Welp...herpes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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