It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
