if i can run in heels then i can drive
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
