Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i now understand why vodka
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
