I'm going to rape someone's good day.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
