Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
