The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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