My nipple is on Facebook.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
