tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
