Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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