I hate all girls vehemently.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
