I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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