so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
