Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
