Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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