I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
