I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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