ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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