i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
